A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have post one night stand depression
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