Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
