names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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