Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
