it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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