I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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