I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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