My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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