I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
