Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
