I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
