i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize