Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
