hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
