don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
