woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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