there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
