He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
