i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
