her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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