Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
pop tarts are not kleenex
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
