I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
