He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
