The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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