I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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