I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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