Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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