Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
