I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
