We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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