PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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