No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
