If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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