does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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