i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
