winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
