im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
