Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
