All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
