first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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