mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
