i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
