I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
