Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
