I didn't shave. On purpose
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
