guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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