I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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