She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
