Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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