Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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