in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I AM VODKA MAN
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
