i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize