Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
