Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize