So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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