she looked like the bat from fern gully.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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