her vagine was all disorganized.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
