He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize