Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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