New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
please don't ironically join a cult
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