In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Where is the hickey?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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