It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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