My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
