im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
