Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
