this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
