She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
