I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
