No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
operation have a gay friend backfired
no you cant smoke seaweed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
