Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
