he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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