i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
